Staying up at night has its advantages and disadvantages! Obviously we’d all prefer to sleep through the night but sometimes it’s in the silence of the night that “listening” to God is the easiest for me. Little Levi wants to be held all the time. He acts like you’ve just completely abandoned him if you put him in his bed.
I was rocking him to sleep last night and through my sleepy mental state – I somehow pictured a little Haitian momma…..up late with her babies – maybe laying on a blanket that’s on top of a dirt floor. I imagined that quick little rocking shake that they all do to calm down their babies. If you’ve been in Haiti at all – you know what I’m talking about. I always think their babies are going to get shaken-baby syndrome with the jerky little rocking they do – but sure enough it calms them down.
I imagined the sleepless kind of nights that they have…..where they can’t calm their baby down because they have no milk for their tummy. I thought about the overwhelming feeling that mother must have at night – laying on the floor, the heat upon her, no oil in the lantern for a light, and trying to figure out how she was going to provide for her family each day. What stress and burden she must feel.
Things have been very tight for our family since January. There have been times where I’ve cried out to God wondering how our growing family was going to make it. How was I going to truly provide for all these kids – these kids that I believe God wants me to have and care for? I know God has us right where we are supposed to be — we answered His call years and years ago. So why aren’t things easier?
YET last night as I rocked my precious little Levi – this boy who by all accounts should be in the NICU and hooked up to machines – -I couldn’t help but “hear” God tell me that He’s been here for me all along. When I cried out to Him – whether it was because I was pregnant and miserable, whether it was because I was in pain and hurting, whether it was because I was overwhelmed by our financial situation– – – He was there. His shoulder held my tears. He was waiting – ready to rock his little daughter – ready to calm her down and help her drift to sleep.
As tears flowed down my cheeks – I thought back to the little Haitian mother rocking her baby. Will she ever get the chance to let God rock her to sleep? Does she even know that He is out there waiting to hold her like she holds her little baby? Is it my fault if she doesn’t?
Being caught up in myself and my own drama for so long now – – I just felt this overwhelming nudge to pray right then and there for the mothers who don’t know Jesus. I felt the Holy Spirit saying – – “Okay Jody – enough about you now. It’s not my fault if you won’t give it all to me. I’ll still be here whenever you realize that you can’t do all this alone. Time to remember the calling you had as a little girl. Time to refocus and get back to the heart of ministry .”
Sometimes I hear Him late at night….when I’m tired and everyone else is asleep……when I rock my precious little miracle baby to sleep.