It’s 3am and I have spent the last two hours in tears – praying for strength and for understanding. I have known since I was little that I was called to Haiti. I never realized the position I would hold or the kind of influence I would have in our small community but today was one of those days where I was reminded.
Before I put my key in my office door I had been stopped by 3 people. Innocent is one of our security guards. A few days ago he asked me if I had a tarp or something I could use to help cover his house. He said his children are getting wet at night and starting to catch a cold. It had been a while since I had seen him and he looked skinner than I remembered. Yet I had nothing to offer him – I didn’t own a tarp. It poured down rain Sunday night. My mind immediately drifted to his family. I looked at Gigi, Mikela, Rosie, Malaya, Gabriel, Levi, and Asher – – all asleep – – all dry — all in their own bed. I could only imagine what their night was like. This morning Innocent in his frustrations asked me – how can I let him suffer like this? If his children get sick – I need to remember that I did nothing.
Two other people followed behind him with small little children who were weak and sick. They were hungry and wanted me to feed them. I found Wisley and gave them a ziplock bag of rice. I didn’t have any beans. Of course as soon as I did 10 more people came with a story and I had to tell them I couldn’t help them all.
One after another they came to me today. I had more people lined outside my door than I could count. I had a worker tell me that her daughter is sick. She needs money for medicine – that our pharmacy doesn’t have what she needs. I truly had no money to give. In her frustration she yelled at me. She said the Bible says when you turn your back on the poor you are turning your back on Him. When she buries her child – I need to remember that I did nothing.
I watched as Angeline (the lady who lost her husband last week) at church on Sunday. This woman sold everything she has – her bed, her table, and anything else she had to pay for medicine to save her husband. She sleeps on a blanket on the floor of her home with her two children. Her home is empty in so many ways and yet on Sunday I saw her with her arms in the air – her eyes closed – and she was praising her Savior.
She walked past my office to greet me and thanked me for visiting her the other day. She didn’t ask me for anything but just told me she loved me. She walked out of my office and I put my head on my desk and I wept.
Magdala went and got Wisley and they both came into my office to talk to me. I told them – is it not a sin that I cannot help these people? There are things happening all over this community and we are watching people suffer right infront of us. It’s like watching your child get too close to the road and you see him do it everyday and the next thing you know he gets hit by a car. We watched the whole thing unfold before us and we never empowered ourselves to stop it.
I listened to a sermon on Sunday. The preacher threw out 2 $1.00 bills into the audience. No one even bothered to pick them up. It’s like what would we Americans do with $2.00? Yet 54% of the world lives off of $2.00 a day. We talk about how poor we are and yet do we realize that the average American makes 100 times what the average person in the world makes?
I think about the times when I don’t know how my family is going to make it and I think about the Haitian who would dare hear me say that. If I make 100 times what they make – do you think they have any sympathy for me? It’s like Donald Trump saying – things are tight – I had to sell one of my airplanes. We would laugh at that and yet to 54% of the world – they could look at us the same way we look at Trump.
I’m thinking about Angeline who truly has nothing – and yet she praises her Creator. The preacher in the sermon said that the hardest people to get to Heaven are the rich. We have everything and therefore we don’t rely on God. The poor people – they count on God for every need. So even when they have so little – they are so thankful. There is a general contentment here in a country where the people have nothing. Yet we have everything and are never satisfied.
I have felt so helpless today. Wisley told me it’s one thing when you have something and you choose not to give. But it’s another thing when you have nothing to begin with. I realize that’s true and it’s a great excuse – but yet I know in my heart when I say I have nothing – – I still have 100 times more than they do.
I remind myself constantly that these are His people. This is HIS story. I don’t understand the chapters in the book but I pray daily to make the decisions He would want me to make. I pray that I never turn my back on someone if there is a way to really help them. I know that we make life and death decisions every day. It’s a reality here. I know God holds the pencil – but we have the eraser. I don’t ever want to erase something that God has laid out before me….