Category: Personal Stories

It will be 3 years tomorrow…

I thought it would hurt a little less each year. But it doesn’t. It’s as real today as it was then.

I’ve been balling my eyes out – walking in circles…. literally – as I’m slowly making my way around the park.

I have nothing profound to say or to share… I just miss her with every ounce of my being.

JULY 12th

She has RISEN!!

I know it’s not quite the same as when CHRIST rose from the dead – but it is truly a miracle… something no one expected would happen either.

She is unable to walk, sit on her own, or care for herself…but she is strong willed & determined.

The doctors continue to be baffled & confused that she’s still here. They are still VERY pessimistic about the final outcome. However, she’s already proven them wrong each and every day.

Her infection is under control and labs are abnormal… BUT today they are starting to move in the right direction. She is in NO WAY over this and each day has it’s own set of complications. Her complications have complications. But she is STILL here.

Yesterday she turned 49, Bud turned 48, and Mikela turned 16! It was quite the day for celebrations!

I still can’t organize my thoughts into words….but I am thankful for the way you surround & love us.

Keep believing.
Keep praying.

****

July 18th

Urgent Prayer Request:

The past few days have been the most difficult by far. On Tuesday night after 24 hours of un-responsiveness, we prepared to sing Lori into Heaven. We wept all night and said our goodbyes. At 5am, Scott leaned over and told her he loved her as her respirations became shallow. THEN – Out of nowhere she looked at him and said, “I love you too, Scotty”.

We were blown away. She came back to us. She was eating, talking, and coherent.

Today she should have received the next round of immunotherapy. However, she has become unresponsive yet again.

Her labs have never looked better; they truly believe the immuno is working. All is well except for one lab….her white blood cells. Her infection is back and they are afraid she’s going septic again….she will not survive if that’s the case.

We are surrounding her, loving her, singing to her, reading scripture over her, and praying that Lori will come back to us as she has time and time again.

We have given her permission to leave us and accepted that fate if it’s His Will. But every time we let go….she comes back.

It’s such an emotional rollercoaster….we have wept till there were no more tears and rejoiced with all that’s in us when she opens her eyes and looks at us.

So if it’s His will for her to live….please pray that she will not suffer and that this is not septic shock.

And if it’s His will for her to enter into His Kingdom… the prayer is the same – that she will not suffer anymore.

**

COMMENT I MADE ON POST

Update:

Unfortunately, she is not coming back to us this time. Her organs are shutting down.

Thank you for your prayers. Our family is coming together during this difficult time and it’s absolutely the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do.

I don’t know how to do this…. I don’t know how to breathe in this world without her in it. My dad can barely stand as he grieves and I’m really concerned about his health.

Please pray for her comfort and pain as she transitions out of our hands and into His.

**

ANOTHER COMMENT I MADE ON POST

I appreciate the prayers and messages so much. Mom and I have been reading over them as we wait. Last night we were told it would be just a few hours….then we were told it would definitely be this morning. Still we wait.

Her birthday balloons are still floating with helium. How can we celebrate life and death so closely together?

Though she’s unable to talk or move – she looks me in the eyes when I rub her face. Tears stream down her cheeks. She’s still here though so much of her is gone.

She hears us though she can’t really respond verbally she squeezes a hand or raises an eyebrow. Mainly she moans in pain.

We cannot understand how she’s still holding on… what is she waiting for.

Her lungs are slowly filling with fluid and hearing her gasp through crackled breaths is like nails on a chalkboard.

I have had so many people message me asking how I am “really” doing….. I wish I had some sort of “Godly” response of how He’s given me strength and peace.

But in full transparency I’m confused and I’m angry. I believed the miracle and if it wasn’t in His will then why let her come back from the dead time and time again? I just don’t understand.

She’s still in pain despite our best efforts and she just deserves more than that. She’s a good and faithful servant whose suffering seems so unfair.

Please pray for God to show mercy on my sister.

***

July 20th 

Lori left our loving arms and woke up in His at 4:45am. Surrounded by friends and family, she passed away peacefully.

I can’t put my feelings into words right now… and I don’t know how to keep breathing without her in this world….but I do know the suffering has ended.

Please keep praying peace and strength over our family as we begin to make arrangements that we pray will honor her.

Pic taken August 22nd 2018… her first chemo treatment.

**

JULY 21st – HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABE

Today is Gabriel’s birthday…. he is turning 12.

Gabe had an undeniable & special connection with Lori. He spent more time with her than any of my other children.

In fact, anytime he started a conversation with her… he’d greet her by saying – Hey Lolo, it’s your favorite nephew! (which often made Levi & Asher mad!)

They spoke every week through voxer. He has spent weeks/months at a time with her throughout his childhood.

She promised him last month that they would bake a cake & have their own special day together.

But he doesn’t want to celebrate today….. he said the only cake he wants is the one they were going to bake together.

Oh. My. Heart.

***

JULY 21st – HOMESICK

Every morning & evening I brushed Lori’s hair, applied moisturizer on her face, and swept her lips with her favorite raspberry flavored lip gloss.

Now when I close my eyes….I see her sweet face….I so desperately want to touch it again….

I’ve spent the past 2 days planning her Celebration of Life Service and it feels SO UNREAL….like I’m living someone else’s life.

I lost my best friend January 1st and my sister July 20th. I feel so broken….so very, very broken.

HOMESICK
You’re in a better place,
I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times
I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I’m still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place

Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow

I’ve never been more homesick than now

Can you believe I’m actually posting another blog!?!

I know,  it’s been so long since I’ve been able to consistently share updates about our lives!

BUT… that’s what happens when I’m “grounded”  – not allowed to do anything fun because of my right hand…  AND YET – my left hand is totally fine to keep on typing alone! 

***

I am often asked how we do school with our kids… especially since they are all in different grades. I think the best way to describe it,  is to think about the tv show – Little House on the Prairie.  Mikela, Malaya, Rosie, Gabriel, Levi, and Asher all do school in one room.

Miss Beth retired from the mission field in October of last year.  We recently shared a blog about her last week on: molehaiti.org

Miss Beth has been the only school teacher my kids have ever known. I love my boys, but I have NO idea how she kept her sanity when they first started attending.  **I’m just thankful that I didn’t have  to take over full-time when those little rascals were younger because I KNOW how annoying they used to be! LOL!

***

Our School Room…

After Miss Beth officially flew back to the states in October, we started our school back up that week. I knew that the kids would really struggle walking into the classroom without her. Even though I have always taught several subjects with both the girls and boys -those classes were in our home.

Miss Beth told us about her plans to leave right before we shipped the crates.  Knowing how difficult the transition would be, we decided to renovate the classroom, upgrade their desks,  and give the room a fresh (different) feeling. **And since Christmas was just around the corner (at the time), we had to add some seasonal decor too! 

So it’s a new year – with a new teacher –

-using a new learning format – and now with a new look – 

***

ONE ROOM – MANY GRADE LEVELS

• Malaya and Mikela are Juniors.  Our plan for their senior year is to have them live with a friend/youth minister from Kansas City. They have yet to experience “the American teenager life” and we don’t want their first experience to be when they’re in college. So next year, sadly they will not here. However, we know they will learn a lot – as they get an after-school job, apply for college, open a bank account, work with others on projects, join clubs, etc.
• Gabe is in 8th grade and Asher/Levi are in 7th grade.  They do 8th grade Science & History together. Then Math, Literature, and English are done separately.
• Rosie is in 4th grade.  Even though she should technically be a Junior, her learning capacity/ability is closer to 3rd/4th grade.  Once the boys passed her up in school, she began doing her school work separately from everyone else.

***

A NEW WAY OF TEACHING

I still teach Health, Creative Writing, and Leadership with both the boys/girls. Malaya and Mikela do all of their classes online. Rosie uses workbooks for all her subjects. BUT when it comes to those crazy boys of mine – I knew I would need some “back-up” going into this year. 

SO THIS YEAR – we ordered the DVD sets that go along with the textbooks.  They are SO awesome! I wish I would have known that this existed sooner.  

• For every subject, there’s a teacher (on DVD) and a DAILY video clip (ranging from 20-50 minutes). **You don’t need internet for this!
• The teacher will actually go right along with the books, even telling the students which pages she will be discussing. 
• At the end of each video, the instructor tells the students what workbook/questions they need to do for homework.
• The following day, the instructor goes over the homework.

We start school at 8:30am. The girls are typically finished by noon, but the boys are usually here until 2pm. Thanks to the DVDs, I’m not exhausted every morning. I actually enjoy watching them and I catch the girls watching them throughout the day too. 

***When I had to fly out for my hand surgery –  the kids never missed a day of school.  Most of the materials/information that are needed are on those DVDs. (They really hate that fact!)

***

Honestly, (all jokes aside) I have really enjoyed doing school with the kids. I know this is the last year that Malaya/Mikela will be here for school. I can’t think of a better way to spend the morning. I always write daily questions on the board that everyone has to answer. We laugh a lot at the kids responses! But we also share a lot of ideas and dive into deeper discussions too.

***

AFTER READING MY VERY LONG BLOG…

– HERE A FEW RANDOM MEMES -JUST FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT-

Sorry I haven’t been very active on our personal family blog.  However, there have been a few fun updates on our “ministry” blog – molehaiti.org 

This past week, I got an email asking when I was having my hand surgery. I just realized that I had never shared about this latest and greatest drama on our personal blog.  I did post an update on Facebook, but I know that many people don’t have access to those updates.

For those of you who don’t use Facebook – this post is for you! 
If you are on Facebook – then you can totally skip this post!

***

POST FROM FEBRUARY 13TH 

As many of you already know, while packing crates last fall, I insured my right hand (causing nerve damage). I had to wear a hand-brace for 6 weeks.

AND –in the typical Castillo-fashion – a few months later – I managed to trip over my 3lb dog (Chloe) and fall down cement stairs.

That gracious fall caused me to dislocate one of the bones in the palm of my hand AND tore all the ligaments around it. Even though the bone only moved a millimeter, it resulted in the numbness of my fingers AND palm swelling if I grasp even a pencil in that hand. #neveradullmoment

***

On Tuesday, (Feb 15th)  I will have the first of two surgeries.

In this first surgery, they will cut the center of my hand to repair nerves/ligaments. AND – at the same time – they will begin to stretch-out other ligaments in preparation for my 2nd surgery.

After I completely heal from this first operation (roughly 10 weeks from now) – – I will have another surgery where they will completely remove that bone from the palm of my hand. The ligaments/tissues that were stretched from the first surgery, will now be used to “fill in” the area where the bone was.

The 2nd surgery is usually a last resort due to the intricacy & painful recover.  BUT as they say “Let the first be last AND the last be first” – so of course the last option for most people –  is my first & only option.

All that to be said, I am not looking forward to the next few months and the annoyance of not having my dominant right hand to use.

We plan to fly back into Haiti a few days after surgery, while we wait for the second one.

We appreciate your prayers for complete healing of my hand & patience for my family who now have to “literally” be my right hand!

(Oddly enough – some people say I was already a handful – before I even injured it! ) 😉😂

After I posted this original update on Facebook, I made several comments which I have included below:

***

COMMENT:

Someone wrote: Prayers for patience for YOUR FAMILY?? Perhaps for someone else also? Always praying for all of you my dear friend!

• • I replied: They need the patience to deal with my impatience!  The surgeon told me I can’t lift more than a pound between surgeries.  The Surgeon said, “Do you know what that means? I don’t want you to even hold a burger in that hand”.   I said, “I’m not sure what kind of burgers she’s used to, but I usually just eat a quarter pounder!” She laughed and then said, “No seriously”!

***

COMMENT:

Someone wrote: When you do anything, you always do it well! Prayers for healing.

• • I replied: I’m as passionate about my injuries as I am about my ministries! What’s that saying – “Go big or go home…or Go big or go to the ER”.? I think it’s something like that!  Either way, it’s one of those mottos I try to live by! Haha!

***

COMMENT:

Jose’s Comment: I just wanted to let everyone know that Jody’s surgery went very well. The anesthesia always makes her sick, so they had to give her extra medication which knocked her out. This morning has been very rough. Any movement of her hand causes her to cry. The surgeon said we could go back to Haiti after the first 48 hours. We would appreciate your prayers for healing and safe travel.

***

COMMENT:

Right now, I’m on a plane heading home to Haiti! (Feb 18th)

I just wanted to say thank you SO MUCH for your prayers and words of encouragement.

I’ve learned how to use the “microphone” button on the screen, so you can simply speak into the phone – and it types for you. It’s not a perfect system though.

Jose does have to review those texts and fix all the errors. For example, EVERY-TIME time I say “also” – it types something very different!  (HAHA)

Recovery is rough but nothing compared to my shoulder surgery. Due to my esophagitis, I can’t take ibuprofen because it causes too much acid. Tylenol isn’t as effective so there’s very little relief with meds.

My hope is that I won’t have any other medical drama (falls) and can wait at least 10 weeks (for surgery two). There is a little betting pool going on with the staff!

After every trip back home, they guess how many days until I have to fly out again for an emergency. They don’t lose any money if they don’t guess correctly, but I do give a “tip” to the one who is closest to the number of days!

There was a rumor that Bena colluded with the dog when I tripped … because he would have won if I had indeed flown out at the time. I have learned to make a game out of everything! HAHAHAHA!

🎉🎉🎉

ON SATURDAY THE 19TH,

JOSE & I ARRIVED SAFELY HOME IN THE MOLE! 

So, that’s a little update on the craziness which is our life! LOL! I do have several more posts to share (blogs I started but never finished).

Since I’m not allowed to do very much (without my right hand), I should have some time to actually get it all done! I’m really great at typing one-handed! 😉

I know I haven’t posted very much this spring…. but I wanted to take a moment and share a few pictures from our most recent family photo shoot!

HAPPY EASTER FROM THOSE CRAZY CASTILLO KIDS!

**

When you are facing a tough day – just remember that

SOME BUNNY LOVES YOU!

We held our Christmas Eve service last night!  

All of my children performed special dances  – as well as several of the girls from our Children’s Home. After the performances, we sang Christmas songs together and my dad gave the message. 

After we ended the church service, we passed out hot chocolate & peanut butter sandwiches while showing The Star Movie. 

I can’t even begin to explain how thankful I am to spend this Christmas with my parents. Every visit we have together is a time I cherish  – especially as I watch my kids continue to make sweet & long lasting memories. 

Here are some updates we’ve posted on Facebook since my last blog post…

October 12th: Lessons learned while strolling along…

For the past month, I’ve been carving out a few hours every evening to spend at the park. This is where I walk, journal, read, take online courses, and catch up on work.

When it’s nice outside, I like to bring Sophie and Chloe. Sophie is the white dog & is 9 years old. This summer she got really sick and we were afraid she might die. So we brought her out to see the vet where they did a few minor procedures to rid her of a massive infection.

Chloe is brown and 9-months old. When I take the dogs to the park – Chloe runs wild. AND yet if you put her on a leash – she will refuse to walk at all. Sophie will walk right beside me – but she tires easily and moves slowly. So in order for me to get my steps in each day – the simplest thing to do is put them in a stroller.

Chloe has to look at everything. If we are out for 3 hours – she won’t sit down for even a second. There’s too much going on around her. I think she’s nervous she’ll miss out on barking at a squirrel.

As soon as we get back to the car – she’s exhausted! If you try to stand her up – she tips right over – keeping her eyes closed!

🟢🔴🟢

My shoulder surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 6:45am. The surgery is about 2 hours long.

I’m really not nervous about the surgery itself. I’m more concerned about being in a sling for a month and it taking several more months before I gain full mobility back.

We are entering into our biggest season of ministry! As soon as we arrive, we will be decorating the campus for Christmas and lining up our holiday events! It’s a non-stop pace for us.

So the timing of this surgery really stinks. The thought of not being able to use my right arm during these specific months is overwhelming!

🔴🟢🔴

I looked at my dogs today and laughed. When it comes to the Christmas Season- I’m just like Chloe! I’m consumed with everything going on and constantly worried that I might miss something/someone.

And just like Chloe – I’m finding myself completely exhausted as I over-think and over-engage with all the things surrounding me.

Here’s what I know….
Sophie and Chloe will arrive at the same destination – at the same time. However, Sophie actually enjoys the journey and still has love/energy left to give at the end of a very long day.

🔸Sometimes the best thing we can do is…🔸

• Allow God to pick the park & decide which path we will stroll down today.
• Be still long enough to enjoy the breeze & catch our breath.
• Stop & stare at the art piece He painted just for us… the one we almost rushed right by.
• Come to that peaceful conclusion that as long as God is pushing the stroller… we ARE going to arrive where we are needed – one way or another!

🔴🟢🟡

October 21st – 

It’s been 10 days since my shoulder surgery. I still can’t use my right arm but I’m determined to find joy & peace regardless!

I can’t text/write/dress/shower/stand-up/buckle-up/pick something up… etc. on my own! (Thanks Jose for typing this). 🙄😘

BUT…
-if you dress me,
-put my shoes on,
-pull my hair back,
-drive me to the park,
-open the stroller,
-put the dogs in the stroller,
-put my ear phones in my ear,
-open up my Coke Zero,
And point the stroller in the right direction…

WELL – I can still walk 7 miles a day all by myself!!! (4 days straight so far) 🎊🎈🎉

#puppypeerpressure #GirlsJustWanttoHaveFun

🔴🟢🟡

November 1st – HAITI BOUND

3 adults
6 kids
2 dogs
18 suitcases
9 carry-ons
9 backpacks
2 pet slings

**And Rosie/me can’t lift anything more than 3lbs 💪

**And I only have 1 good arm 🩹

**And we are sleeping at the airport gate tonight ✈️😴

**And we only have an hour layover in Chicago and we are already delayed 20 minutes!! 😧 😱

**And Sophie looks how I feel! 🐶 😂

LET THE ADVENTURES BEGIN!

#neveradullmoment

READY OR NOT… here we come!! 🎈🎉🎊

🔴🟢🟡

November 12th- Overworked

The boat with all of our crates arrived last week! WAHOO!!!

Don’t worry… I made sure to protect my right shoulder while sorting and organizing all of our supplies!

In fact, I was SO careful with my right side… that I totally forgot how much work my left shoulder had to do in order to compensate.

So…
I may or may not have lifted too much with my left arm.

I may or may not have called my surgeon who believes I just tore a ligament in my LEFT rotator cuff!

My surgeon may or may not have told me that I have to start icing the left shoulder every 4-6 hours AND put it in a sling for the next 10 days!

I may or may not look like I’m wearing a janky straight jacket!! 😂

All that to be said… the depot looks amazing, the supplies are being distributed where needed, most of our outdoor decorations are up, and the campus is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! 🎄🎁

It only cost me an arm and a leg… I mean an arm and another arm! 😉

#neveradullmoment #adayinthelife

🔴🟢🟡

November 26th- HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!🍁🦃 

Happy Thanksgiving!🍁

There’s a roof up above me,
I have a good place to sleep.

There’s food on my table,
And shoes on my feet.

You gave me your love Lord,
And a fine family.

Thank You Lord – for your blessings on me!

Thanksgiving Blessings

Gobble til you Wobble

🔴🟢🟡

November 27th- Children’s Church Kick-off

Tomorrow night we will be kicking off our 3-month Children’s Church Series with a special movie night!

Abbey, Malaya, Jose, and I have been working in the cafeteria since 11am…and we’re still not done!

Here’s a sneak peak of our version of Candyland!

Psalm 34:8 – Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

I just realized that I haven’t been posting any updates on our family. The following is a list of Facebook Updates from the past 2 months!

RECENT POSTS

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2. Jody Owen Castillo is with Jose Alexander Castillo March 29 · Versailles, KY ·