I was watching the kids playing cards on our living room floor last night and for some reason I immediately began to feel overwhelmed by the new path we’ve chosen for them. I’m watching our twins crawling all over the tile floor – in a cool home – while the girls are drinking cold water. In that moment I realized that we are taking our children to the middle of no where.
I had thought about what I’m personally giving up – but I never really thought about what our children are giving up. They love their home here and their routine. They love to go play outside and roam all over the compound. They like to go to canteen and get a cold sprite. They enjoy sitting down with the Americans and playing games in the afternoon. Gabriel is very close to many of the children in the baby orphanage and he plays there every day. They have a fan and a nightlight at bedtime. They have clean water whenever they need it and 3 meals a day.
We will be renting a home where the outside playground is simply the street before us. We won’t have a lot of groups at first or a facility ready for them to roam and play. I had never thought about all the wonderful things I’m taking away from them. I’m sure at some point or another – every mother feels insufficient to meet the needs before her. I felt that way last night. All our needs are met here in St. Louis but it’s a new beginning in the Mole.
So last night I made myself sick to my stomach with worry. How are we going to accomplish all that is set out before us? How in the world are we going to meet all these new needs? Oswald Chambers says that – Worry is an indication that we think God cannot look after us. How random (or maybe not) that I found that quote yesterday in one of the books I’m reading.
I have found whenever I start to worry – it’s time to open up the Bible so I can calm my nerves.
Phillippians 4:6 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving – let your requests be known to God.
I was reading the story of Jesus feeding the thousands. You remember the story of the fish and the loaves of bread. There were thousands of people and the disciples didn’t have the “budget” to feed them. So they wanted to send the people away. But Jesus took what He had – He looked up to heaven – and He gave thanks. In that moment a miracle took place and everyone ate and was satisfied. God was there – in their desperate time of need.
Susie Larson (author of a book I’m reading) says this:
Jesus understands our predicaments. His disciples faced impossible situations regularly. BUT – it’s in our places of desperate need that Jesus makes himself known. When our strength is unequal to the task, we see the strength of God come to bear in our lives. And when what we hold in our hand falls short of the needs before us – we can keep perspective because we have a place to go with our need. We have a God who makes up where we lack. We have an engaged Father who lovingly provides for us.
Some days we’ll need – a loaves and fish miracle – and other days it will be enough to see a flower in the crack of a sidewalk. Either way – nothing is too difficult for Him.
I over heard the girls talking a few days ago. They had overheard a conversation I was having with another American who was here last week on a mission trip. I was telling them about our move and she didn’t understand why I would leave. I told her that it’s not my choice to leave – but that God has called us to go. I don’t want to be like Jonah and get eaten by the whale because I refused to listen. She reminded me about everything we’d be leaving behind and asked me what we would do for electricity and food. I didn’t realize that my girls were around but I should’ve known that Mikela hears everything.
Here is the conversation I witnessed:
Mikela: You know when we move to the Mole we’re not going to have anything.
Malaya: You mean we won’t have a house?
Mikela: We will have a house but it’s going to be empty.
Rosie: What about TV? We going to have TV?
Mikela: Nope. Our house will be empty.
Rosie: We gonna have food?
Mikela: No. Not even snacks.
Malaya: Why are we leaving then?
Mikela: Because momma is going to be eaten by a whale if we don’t.
I interjected and cleared things up with the girls. But what it told me was – we plant seeds with every word we say. The thing is – are we planting weeds or something beautiful? Apparently in that conversation I had – I planted some ugly weeds. I know that several of the Haitians have been talking to the girls about leaving and it has created some anxiety in their little worlds.
I don’t want them to worry. I tell them that God will take care of us. But yet here I am sick to my stomach worried that He won’t. I cannot impart what I do not possess!! I cannot tell them not to worry – if I am worried. I cannot tell them to be grateful for whatever God gives us – if I, myself am not grateful.
I believe God can do what He says He can do. I read Psalms 74. Our God is the same God who splits the sea by His power, hung the moon and the sun, and established all the boundaries of the earth. How do we know that God can stretch forth His hand and act on behalf of His people? Because He’s done it throughout biblical history.
Beth Moore Says This:
Mockers may surround us and the enemy seeks to devour us. Destruction and depravity threaten to suffocate our society. God has promised that the true testimony of Jesus Christ will invade every people group. The world is in desperate need of true spiritual awakening. The church is in desperate need of great revival. Believers are in desperate need of a fresh infusion of faith. We have miracles! May God take His hand from the folds of His garment and show us His Glory.
I read this prayer and have been praying it over the last week:
These are desperate times for us, and we are tempted to fear. Yet we know you are faithful. Give us a bigger perspective during this new season. Remind us again that you know our need. We praise You ahead of time for the mighty ways You will come through for us. Open our eyes so we can see You in the many surprising ways You plan on showing up along the way.
Categories: Personal Stories