Have you ever felt like someone licked the red off of your candy? Like someone took the sugar out of your kool-aid? Like someone used fat-free peanut butter in your no-bake cookies?
For the past few weeks, that’s exactly how I’ve felt. The devil just keeps messin’ with stuff that don’t need messed with! You hear what I’m saying?
My mind has become a raging battlefield getting completely filled up with stinkin’ thinking! Lord have mercy – cuz there ain’t nothing worse than a toxic mind!
So like every good preacher’s-kid-gone-missionary, I am reading lots of Christian books and listening to copious amounts of worship music. I’ve even stepped up my time in the Word. Unfortunately– that’s just not cutting it. I’m merely putting a bandaid over a deep wound. This has led to two problems. First – the moment you start to sweat – it comes right off. Second – deep wounds won’t heal if you don’t clean out the pus every day.
While all of those things are good and have made me “feel” like I’m really working at my problems, I am missing an important element in my Christian walk. I’m not actually talking with my Savior. I’m hanging out hoping He will poke me on the shoulder and fix things but when it comes to me simply sitting at His feet and pouring myself out to Him, well I’m at a loss for words. However, if you talk to my family or some of my closest friends, you will find that I can tell them my worries or at least tell them I am worried. Why can’t I just tell Jesus? Because if I ever tell Him, then He will get rid of them. And honestly, I love all my worries and doubt. It is comfortable for me to talk about them in a very uncomfortable way…so to speak. You could say, I’m addicted to worry!
Definition of DETOXIFY
a : to remove a harmful substance (as a poison or toxin) or the effect of such fromb : to render (a harmful substance) harmless
: to free from an intoxicating or an addictive substance in the body or from dependence on or addiction to such a substance
There it is – there’s my problem! The only way to render it harmless is to detoxify! For the past 10 days that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I have been laying it all out there with God – the good, the bad, and the ugly! The first night I did this I just laid it all out there – every single worry and frustration I have as a mother, a wife, & a missionary! Every thought I had in my mind I just poured it out in front of my God and completely emptied my stinkin’ thinking! The next day I realized there was a lot more I had forgotten to say and I did it again.
It took me four days before God could begin dialoguing with me. I felt like He was asking me – Are you done yet? Can I get a word in please? And I’m telling you that it was in those moments that God began to take over the battle going on in my heart and mind. He was slowly able to remove all of those the harmful thoughts and I began to find my footing once again. Like a junkie coming off of a high, I was indeed kicking and screaming at times as I had to allow God to heal me and not get caught up in the worry that had become my partner. I had to let God have every worry and not take it back to share in a prayer circle or on the internet. I had to give it up completely! You know what I’m saying? It may seem silly but just like an addict finds a way to put their addiction in their everyday life, as a Christian who is addicted to worry there are several built in hiding places to feed my syndrome–like prayer groups–wow prayer requests are a great place to air your worry and fake like you are really laying it down (when really you air it out and grab it back right before the last “Amen” is said). Listening over and over again to Christian music is good, unless you are listening to the same sappy song and instead of it empowering you it actually leaves you weak from weeping over every hurt! Am I off the mark here?
Well maybe, but I can tell you this, “I have been woke up.” I am not gong to let my worries take me over. I want to truly live the abundant life and I want to be healed. And you know the best way to be healed is–to believe the Words of Christ and walk in His truth–whether you want to or not! I Peter 5:7 is true–Cast your cares upon Jesus for He cares for you! Cast– Detox– Breathe! Allow God to talk back at you!