Has it really been 4 years?!? No… there’s no way. How could it be yesterday and 4 years ago? How has it been 4 years since I heard her laugh? Since I touched her hand? Since I brushed that raspberry lip gloss on her lips? No…. There’s NO WAY I have been without her for 4 years. How can it be?

Gabe’s birthday is July 21st and it was ALWAYS made special by the parties Lori had for him. Now he HATES his birthday and hasn’t celebrated the same way since she passed.

When I asked him tonight what he wants to do on Friday – he said he can’t think about Friday, knowing that at 4:45am tomorrow, Auntie Lolo will have taken her final breath. He hasn’t forgotten the day or the time… when our lives forever changed.

This month has always been difficult and for some reason this year has hit us harder than the ones before.

I know I will see her again…made brand new. But honestly that doesn’t necessarily make it all better. I just want my imperfect, squishy, sarcastic, hilarious sister…. The one who made us laugh and blush during the most inopportune times.

Her last moments here were such a roller coaster of emotions – yet I can honestly say, I always believed she had a testimony of triumph to give. I know in many ways..she did. It’s just not how I thought her journey would end here on earth.

So today I’m reminded to leave nothing unsaid – to love wholeheartedly – to forgive fully – to be fully present – and to ALWAYS find time to laugh and live like Lori.

I thank God for each day we had together and for all the ways she showed me how to be the hands, feet, heart, and face of Christ.

There will never be another Lori…how awesome that we got to love and know her!  That’s an honor that I will forever be grateful for and never take for granted.

I love you sissy. I miss you more and more every single day.

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JULY 20th, 2019