Posted in Personal Stories

Back in hospital since Sunday :(

Over the weekend I blacked out three times and one time I fell down a small set of steps. My OB doctor is unsure whether he will release me anymore. He said he thinks its too hard on my body to keep going back and forth from hospital to home. He is talking about keeping me until the babies are born. I really don’t want to do that – I’d like to have Easter at home with the kids – but you’d think I’d learn by now that it’s totally not about what I want. The babies are okay – but my heart rate and blood pressure are really messed up. 

Today was probably one of my worst days. You all know that I don’t have good veins and they always call in specialists to stick me. This morning my IV infiltrated and after 5 sticks they finally got a vein BY MY KNUCKLE! OUCH! Well on my way to the bathroom I blacked out and pulled the IV back out of my hand and had blood all over the floor. I got re-stuck another 6 times before they finally stuck my OTHER KNUCKLE. My body was literally shaking in pain. The blackouts always come with headaches and todays was a doozie for sure. I found myself in tears for many reasons – but most of all because I’m just so tired of the drama. I don’t think I can take this anymore. 

My bright light in the darkness was that Jose came home today. I haven’t seen Gigi yet but she’s at my parent’s house walking around and throwing things! It’s amazing what peace comes over a mother when she knows her kids are all together – and that they’re all safe. Jose is here now in the hospital as I write. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw him today. 

So while this afternoon has been a complete nightmare – this evening I believe will be one of peace.