It’s almost 4am. I have found myself in tears the last few days (not uncommon). My spleen is enlarged and I’m in a lot of pain and the pain pills barely touch it. I thought this might be reason enough to deliver – but my doctors want me to wait at least until Friday when I’m 35 weeks. I have sharp stabbing pains in my left side- by the rib – and its just about all I can take. I’m told I need my gallbladder out after I have the babies – now trouble with my spleen – – I am nervous about all these health issues.
I thought for some reason it would be a good idea to watch a c-section online. I thought “knowing” everything would make me feel better. HUGE mistake! I can’t get some of those images out of my mind. I have found myself paralyzed with anxiety and fear.
There was a sermon I watched the other day about Fear. It talked about how paralyzing it can be and how it’s totally NOT FROM GOD. I understand all of that – but when you’re nervous – how do you get rid of it? I know I’m supposed to give it to God and not pick it back up again but how does someone really do that?
So my question to you – what do you do when you are afraid? When I’m laying on the operating table – what can I be thinking? How do you find peace? How can I clear my mind from the scariness of such a routine operation – – and concentrate on the beauty and excitement of finally meeting these little boys who’ve caused so much trouble? I realize a lot of this only I can do……. but I seem to be in a rut and I can’t get out of it.
Categories: Personal Stories
Praying with you this week, as always. Not that answers are always found in books, but they are found in truth, and Neil Anderson’s books on Freedom in Christ touch on this issue of fear a lot. Check with mom and see if she still has any. Believe I gave her one or two during her bout with anxiety a few years ago.
Love you – waiting with you for those beautiful babies!
I can’t take your fears away. I would gladly bear them for you if I could, just to give you a release. I can only say that everytime I have had surgery, once an emergency, I have just trusted. Trusted my doctors, my anesthesiologists and my God. When you are not in control, you just have to trust. And we are NEVER in control.
Hang in there, it is almost time to trade pregnancy for parenting. Neither condition gets you much rest!
praying for you
You are one strong and gentle lady. So now, God has you right where He wants you, focusing on him. So who wins now … everyone! You can still be scared as long as you trust in His Truth. The babies are all about Him and this causes you to press up against Him even more.
Sleep tight, Dave
I ask God to show me what he wants me to see and teach me Lord, what you want me to know. My first trip to Haiti I was searching for anything and I found God’s peace. I had a lot going on in my life at that time. I will never forget looking up at the stars from the missions roof as everyone slept around me and asking God to allow me to speak to my cousin Debbie (she died with cancer in 2002). The reason I wanted to talk to her was even though she was dying she never lost her focus on God she knew whatever was going happen God was in control. When things happen to me now I just ask God what do you want me to do with what you have taught me. As for being afraid we are all afraid everyday but you just keep saying Lord I give my worries to you and in your hands I give myself for you to use. What to think about when you are in surgery nothing but God I love you over and over and over. It worked for me in 1999 when I gave a kidney to my brother. You and your family are awesome and God loves you looking forward to the day we meet again in Haiti to work for our God.
God bless and you and your family are always in our prayers.