Where to start? Hmm. This entry will probably be all over the place. I don’t think I’ve slept more than 4 hours since Friday. I’m still processing things – even as I write them now.

I am always so careful when I write that something was life-changing. You see it’s not really life changing if your life doesn’t change – if it doesn’t “hold” the change. It’s like thinking you kicked gossip only to find yourself caught right back in it 2 months later. (I’ve been there).

So to say this weekend was life-changing – it makes me nervous. But none the less –I believe that it is. I am choosing to cut-out some pretty big things in my life. Things I never knew were there – and things that distract me from Him.

My mom and I went to a 2-day Beth Moore Conference. Now I know some people love Beth and others – not so much. I was introduced to her through our Women’s Bible Study this past spring. Sometimes her videos are a little dramatic – but she was RIGHT ON IT this weekend.

The conference’s focus was on the book of Jeremiah. The topic – Eat, Pray, Love. I’m going to pull out just a few things from Eat and Pray – because those things touched me the most.

EAT
God brought us into a fertile land to eat its fruit. (Jeremiah 2:7).
When your words come, I ate them and they were my joy and my heart’s delight. (Jeremiah 15:16)

Even when we’re in a desert – God can take that land and make a garden. If we will lay ourselves open – He will pull things up by the root and plant good things in their place.

Those weeds He’ll pull up – things of lies, unforgiveness, thoughts from generations before us, those things that we want to hide from our Father, those places we don’t want Him to go – – – – HE WILL PULL UP THOSE THINGS IF WE WOULD LET HIM.

He wants us to feast with Him. We have been chosen and anointed to bear fruit and eat it. He has promised to stay with us. God will put words in our mouth – will we choose to eat them?

Pray
You will call up on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. (Jeremiah 29:12.)
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. (Jeremiah 33:3)

He wants us to let go of our game. No more pretending. No more pretenses. We will never be free. Any part of us that is not real – that part is in bondage.

Our heart is lying to us. Our heart can keep grabbing us by the heels and start sliding us back into that pit. Somewhere there is a lie in our heart causing destruction. That lie causes us to lie and exaggerate.

The heart can get gravely ill – dangerously ill. The way we start to detect that lie is when we hear it on our lips. Quit saying we’re delivered when we’re not. Quit it. Walk in the truth and we WILL be delivered. Pray and He will hear us. Pray and He will heal us.  Pray and He can change us. WE ARE THE MIRACLE HE’S BEEN WAITING FOR. HE CAN SET US FREE.

We need to believe we are worth getting back up. We need to know when we pray – He hears us. We need to believe that He can change us. It’s His job to come after us in that pit. Sometimes He has to allow really hard consequences, scarring, getting burned, and pain – so that we will run after Him again. He allows us to get messy so we will “want” to come back HOME. He can make the devil sorry he ever messed with us – if we let Him.

*****
I am telling you right now – there are places in the depths of my soul that I believe are of no use. They cause repeat offenses. It’s no good to even look at them – because regardless – it’s never going to be better. It’s like a diet that won’t stick. I might lose 10lbs but 3 months later I gained 15lb. Know what I mean??

My insecurities will never go away. No matter how hard I try – I always slip right back into the pit. The only thing that changes is how long it takes for me to fall right back into that habitual sin.

But I really see now that- THIS IS NOT TRUE. I see that there are many lies in my heart – very destructive lies. I am letting God plow those areas for the first time. I mean beat those areas with the biggest stick He can find. AND – in doing that – I am finding myself feeling this amazing freedom – a very different freedom – a freedom that I have never felt before.

I am now taking steps to cut out some things that lead me back to paths of destruction. I KNOW that He can change my heart. That He can replace those ugly weeds with unbelievable amounts of fruit. I know I am the miracle He’s been waiting for.

I am SO GRATEFUL! GRATEFUL – That He came to find me in that pit each and every time. That he is willing to cover that pit back up with dirt so I don’t fall in it again. For His patience, His grace, and His mercy. For thirsting after me. For allowing me to see the lies in my heart. For loving me enough to search for me. For freeing the inner depths of my soul.

I. Am. Free.