The thing I pray the most fervently about is for God to give me wisdom. Wisdom to see the things that are hidden. Wisdom to act on the things He exposes. Wisdom to know which decisions are mine and which are His. Wisdom to make those difficult decisions no matter how tough. Wisdom to stand-up for what I know is right – regardless of the drama that might follow.
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so i can see
Everything that i keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the one’s forgotten
Give me your eyes so i can see
I know those are the lyrics to a song but as I shared in a blog several years ago – those aren’t just words for me. It’s one of my daily prayers. Lord – open my eyes – open my heart – open my arms.
Many of you who’ve been to Haiti have had the pleasure of meeting Fedna! Fedna is a special-needs girl that lives by the bridge that goes to the mission property. She often sits outside – alone – naked. I have driven past her house as late as 8pm – totally dark outside. No one was home. She is standing on the street in the pitch black. It has brought tears to my eyes knowing how little her family really loves her.
I know that the easy answer is to just take her. Bring her into my home and love her. Simple. But just because the answer is the easiest – it doesn’t mean it’s the best. I have worked with special-needs children for over 10 years. Sometimes the answer doesn’t lie in us “saving them” – as much as it lies in us teaching them – guiding them – showing entire families – how to love those that are different. I believe that there is an infinite number of lessons that Fedna could teach her family through our guidance. Through loving her where she is.
When we first took Gigi in our home everyone questioned us. Why would we take a child that was broken? Gigi has reached SO MANY people and shown them all what true love is during her precious 10 years of life. I wanted Fedna to be that for her family. For her neighbors.
In praying for God to give me His eyes – to expose the things that are hidden – to know what concerns need follow-up – and to know how to act thoroughly upon them – God gave me clarity about Fedna.
I have told others before – while this pleasant little town that I love with all my heart is beautiful beyond measure – – it also has many layers of darkness – many hidden secrets.
Regardless of all the good that Fedna could do in her neighborhood – when darkness is exposed as brightly as it has – we have no choice but to act. We had already decided we would take Fedna in the orphanage once it was ready. But it will more than likely be spring now before that can happen. And simply put – Fedna is not safe.
So where do we go from here?
I prayed for Him to open my eyes. He gave me a telescope to see hidden things.
To open my heart. He showed me His love for the least of these.
To open my arms. He stretched His out and asked me to follow.
Little Fedna is staying with Tizzie until we return to Haiti September 1st. Then she will move in with us until the orphanage is ready. Please pray for her little life – that she will forget those that hurt her – that she will still reach those that don’t understand her – that she will be a source of light in a dark village.
Over the past week I’ve shared the stories of Rosie and Mikela and how they came into our lives. I have had several ask me to share Gigi’s story as well. Of course I’m always happy to talk about any of my beautiful kids!
Here’s Gigi’s story:
When Jose and I moved to Haiti as a married couple over 10 years ago – I had two main responsibilities. One was Heaven’s Waiting Room (which is now called the Miriam Center). The other was my pediatric clinic.
Gigi and her twin sister Tamara were 2 years old when their mother brought them to the mission. She struggled to leave them but simply had no means for caring for them. She was the only parent that visited her children every single day.
While they had a lot of the same disabilities – Tamara was around 15lbs and Gigi was 7lbs. I thought Gigi was little because her family was poor. We soon found out no matter what you fed her she only absorbed enough to stay alive. If we fed her a jar of bananas – she passed the bananas. It wasn’t a regular bowel movement. I’m telling you that you could bottle it back up and feed it to her again. I had never seen anything like it.
Gigi loves her hands. From the time she was 2 months old until now at 10 years old – she stares at them during EVERY waking hour. She loved them so much that she would hold her bottle with her feet just so she could still look at her hands while she drank. She is still amazingly flexible!
Gigi hit herself constantly in the chin. It was her way of stimulating herself. Her face was bruised. So with one hand she’d stare at it and with the other hand she’d beat herself up.
There was something about her though that I was drawn to. Gigi immediately touched my heart from the time I laid eyes on her. Jose and I were unable to carry a pregnancy to term at the time. We longed to have our own children. Here was a baby that needed us and she would become the first child we ever brought into our home!
Jose was very skeptical at the time and as soon as I would bring Gigi up for the night – he’d immediately take her back down. I constantly found ways to sneak her upstairs! I tease him now because he’s actually the closest person to Gigi and Gigi loves him more than anyone else! He can get her to do things that none of the rest of us can!
As we began to fall in love with her -we started seeking the advice of medical professionals. Many saw her picture and read her story and told me that she was too far gone for them to help her. Even a few of the missionaries told me I was trying to invest too much in her and that she’d never live. No matter where I turned I was told to just love her until God took her. NO WAY! I wasn’t going to give up on her.
I called at least 30 different hospitals trying to find a place that would take her case. My sister contacted her pediatrician at Columbus Children’s Hospital. She showed him the pictures and shared the story. We had no idea what Gigi’s diagnosis would be. We only knew that without help she’d never make it. The USA Embassy wouldn’t let us bring her out without a hospital agreeing to see her pro-bono. The team from Columbus Children’s Hospital became like family to us. We had over 5 specialists clearing their schedules and making room for her – – ALL FREE OF CHARGE!
Through that process we learned that Gigi had Ruebella. Her intestines were completely inflamed which is why she couldn’t absorb the food. She was blind in one eye with perfect vision in the other. She had the mental capacity of a 6 month old. We weren’t sure if she was deaf of not. We banged pots and pans over her while she slept and she never moved or opened an eye. We found out later that she was deaf in one ear but perfect hearing in the other. The problem was she didn’t know what to do with the sound she was hearing which is why she never responded to the clanging pans.
We spent those first 5 years visiting Columbus Children’s Hospital 3 times a year. She was on many different medications and had constant testing done just to ensure we were doing all we could to help her absorb her food! The weight gain would be extremely slow but over time she began to fatten up! 🙂
She had therapy appointments as well to help her sit, crawl, chew her food, stop hitting herself, etc. We worked with her constantly both in and out of Haiti. Gigi was a lazy little girl! The therapists told us she’s strong enough to walk she just doesn’t want to! They encouraged us not to rapidly meet every need she has but make her work for it! So if she wants to eat – make her use the walker to go to the high chair instead of us carrying her. So we did! And at 7 years old Gigi finally walked all by herself!
Gigi is one of the happiest little girls you’d ever meet! She doesn’t need much to occupy her time – as long as she can see her hands! 🙂 She giggles all the time! She used to be mute until we gave her hearing aids and she met with a speech therapist. Once she was able to really hear herself she hasn’t stopped making noises! She threw the hearing aids out after 6 months! She can’t speak but she makes her little noises through all hours of the night! (She only needs 5 hours of sleep a day).
She can already do far more than we ever thought!
When she’s hungry she walks to microwave and puts her hand on it.
If she’s thirsty she grabs a cup and gives it to us. It’s funny seeing her give the cup to the twins and trying to make them give her a drink! She knows the colors of liquids. If you don’t give her what she wants she will push the cup back until you get it right! She knows white is milk, pink is tampico, clear is water, and dark is coke!
She won’t eat anything if it doesn’t have ketchup or peanut butter in it. She can’t chew very well. She has oatmeal every morning with peanut butter. If you don’t put enough in it – she’ll push it back. All other meals must have that bright red ketchup on it or she won’t eat it. She eats it on her rice, spaghetti, macaroni, mashed potatoes, etc. You can’t trick her with BBQ sauce. She knows!
When it’s time to eat in the Mole she knows the kitchen is downstairs. She will walk down the steps for her 3 meals a day. She waits in the kitchen for someone to feed her. When she’s done – she walks back up the steps to the house!
She likes certain shows on TV. Here is a video of what happens when you change the channel on her:
Some interesting stories about Gigi:
1) In Haiti twins are considered a curse. Many Haitians believe that one twin can make the other twin sick. Gigi’s mother used to spank her twin sister Tamara for making Gigi sick. We had to teach everyone the truth about twins and that they have no magical powers. It took us many months before the Haitians believed us.
2) Because special needs children are not valued in Haiti – I had to be careful who I hired to be our nanny while I was at work. I wanted someone who would love Gigi as much as I did. So I hired her mother – Momma Gigi – to take care of her own child in the daytime at our house.
3) In order to get her to crawl we used a glass of Coke! We would move it every few inches and she would advance little by little so she could get a drink!
4) Gigi should have been born a fish! Her favorite activity of all time is playing in water! If she could – she’d play in water 24 hours a day! The only problem is we can’t leave her in the tub because she drinks all the water!
5) Gigi learned to walk when she was 7 years old and the entire compound went crazy celebrating her first few steps!
At 4:45am this morning Thomas met His Healer and will no longer feel any pain. One of the most precious things today was talking with Celidia – a caretaker in the Miriam Center. She loved little Thomas like he was her own. The small service was held at 4pm and we loaded the casket and the workers on the back of the truck and went to the cemetery. As some of the workers got out of the truck Celidia was too emotional to stand-up. Courtney and Beth went ahead with the rest of the workers and I sat back on the truck with her. She told me that we’ve been to too many funerals together. I shook my head yes. She asked me why does God take all her children?
Thomas was a child from the Miriam Center with hydrocephalus. We watched him as a perfect little baby with perfect little skin and a beautiful smile turn into a child that cried in enormous pain, who’s head continued to grow until he became blind, and his weight wasted away to nothing. He wasn’t simply a child of God – but he was also the child of every worker who took care of him.
We watched Celidia before – when she would gently hold him, sing to him, and wipe the little tears that would stream down his face. She took time to love on him – to value you him. Yes – he was definitely her little boy.
But I gently reminded her – that even though he is her little boy – he was God’s little boy first. I told her that today is sad but it’s also a beautiful day for Thomas. He got to see the face of Jesus this morning. What better arms to hold him? What better face to smile at? I picture God tickling under his chin and finally Thomas is able to smile – – a smile we haven’t seen for weeks.
I believe Celidia’s crown will be too heavy to wear. I told her that maybe God placed her here so she could be the mother to all these children – so that they can feel valued and loved before they go Home to meet their Daddy.
I believe that the babies who pass through this world that we get the pleasure of loving on – will remember us in Heaven. I told Celidia to imagine the day when she walks through those gates and she sees all these little babies clapping and smiling….no more tears will she wipe as they yell and run to her. To imagine that day when she gets to reunite with all her children. What a magnificent day that will be!
Our huge-hearted Courtney (who manages the Miriam Center) just added a sweet little boy named Thomas. He is a BEAUTIFUL baby. He’s a little over 2 months old. He has good skin and is well-fed. He has no mother or father anymore but you can tell that whoever was taking care of him really loved him. Thomas has hydrocephalus. That means the pressure in his head is causing it to swell. If he were in the states we’d just put a shunt in and he’d be okay. Last week when he was at the mission he was smiling and happy – reminded me of my little boys. But a few days ago we noticed the pressure in his head growing. His little veins are starting to protrude and we believe he is going blind now. He cries out in a lot of pain – or perhaps just because he’s scared now that his vision is lacking.
Courtney has spent much of her time loving on him – providing him as much comfort as she can before Jesus calls him home. I have had a hard time visiting with this little boy – I just keep picturing if that were Levi or Asher. I didn’t visit him the last two days as just the thought of him brought tears to my eyes. But tonight I felt like God was wanting me to visit with him although I can’t explain why. It was all I could do not to completely breakdown in front of all of the workers.
When I do see a sick child – my nursing instincts often kick in. I can’t help it. Seeing him sweat downstairs and looking very miserable….. Jose and I carried him up to our house. I have him in Levi’s swing rocking back and forth. He seems to like it. He cries out often – yet that “simple touch” often quiets him down. As I don’t sleep at night anyways….what’s more kid? I pray that whatever small things I do…in some way – it brings little Thomas comfort tonight.
Today my little boys laughed out loud for the first time. We weren’t doing anything to make them laugh – I could only imagine that angels were tickling their little feet. I know that angels are also surrounding little Thomas….perhaps their hearts ache much like mine.
Please pray for Thomas – that he will find comfort and peace. That the same angels that surround my little boys will also hold Thomas while he is scared and in pain.
Now before you get all excited…that statement is in no reflection of another baby on the way!! LOL!! It’s just that since January (9 months ago) this campus has changed so much – it totally blows me away. Magdala and Ceremone took me on a tour of my home the other day and I couldn’t help but notice all the changes — not just the cosmetic ones – but those that went much deeper than all the new concrete.
THE BIRTHING CENTER:
First on my tour was the birthing center. To see that now as a finished project is amazing. I remember years and years ago when it was just a dream. I walked through this beautiful building – the floors are tiled, it’s freshly painted, and there is air conditioning in nearly every room. I walked to where the mothers were with their newborns and felt the cool air as I opened the door. Tears began to stream down my cheeks. These mothers who went through such pain to bring their babies into this world are laying in a bed with air conditioning!! Now that might not be something to be excited about for those who’ve never been here BUT can you imagine that we are the only facility in all of the northwest to have such a beautiful place for women to come and have a child. A place that is CLEAN and FREE and now has air conditioning!! WOW!
The change wasn’t just the beautiful building but the smiles I saw on all the nurses and staff who worked there. Their smiles were genuine and not just something on the surface. There was a feeling of contentment inside this beautiful building…a sense of pride. Melissa Curtice has devoted so much of herself – poured herself into the nurses and our medical program. You can not only see the fruits of her labor but FEEL them as well.
THE NUTRITIONAL PROGRAM:
Coming around the outside of the birthing center my eyes were immediately drawn to the beautiful pink and white nutritional center. It had been gray and kind of dark for years. Now it’s bright – tons of drawings on all the walls – a wonderful place for little children to spend their mornings. A peek inside the kitchen revealed smiling cooks who were laughing while they stirred their pots. What? Since when is stirring a huge pot of rice fun? The stoves create a certain amount of heat – it wasn’t cool in there . Yet with so little the cooks had – there was still that general feeling of contentment.
THE MIRIAM CENTER:
Perhaps the biggest change of all is the program with our special needs children. The old birthing center was supposed to be home for these children years ago. When construction had to slow down – the kids were kind of stuck in transition and had to be moved to several small rooms that they soon called home. As I walked under the prayer tower and into the main room of this program….again… tears just streamed down my cheeks. A program that needs someone really devoted to it – someone who can really look to develop it and make this place something we can all be proud of has found it’s momma. You can not only see the hand of Courtney in every newly renovated room but FEEL her there as well. I found myself giggling at things that I know only Courtney could have thought of! There are tons of murals and bright colors on every wall. There is new foam tile waiting to be placed on the floors, air conditioning in several of the rooms, even a pool in one of the bedrooms! There’s new equipment and developmental toys….space for the kids to be creative and move around. It gives me goosebumps just writing about it. What a wonderful place for these children – these “outcasts” to call home!
There is definitely a sense of pride in all the workers and the colored walls only make their smiles reflect so much brighter. I’m just blown away…completely blown away by this program.
THE BABY ORPHANAGE:
My dream from the beginning was to have a baby orphanage right here on campus – to have at least 50 kids in an environment where voodoo could no longer be an influence but only gentle, loving, christian arms would embrace them. The funds for this program were slow coming in and we haven’t been able to take in all the kids I want yet….BUT – there are 3 new baby bungalows under construction. Tomoka has been influential in the realization of this dream of mine and completed one baby bungalow last year. The construction began in July for the next three rooms. What a beautiful surprise! It must have been 10:00 because when I walked up to the baby orphanage the women were having a devotional. Every day at 10:00 we stop and have prayer time. I looked at my watch….nope…..it was already 1:00pm. It wasn’t prayer time. The women were just having a devotional because they were so moved by the spirit to do so. The kids were all being held while the women prayed and talked about God. I’m just blown away by this beautiful display in front of me. The presence of God was so heavily felt that it too gives me goosebumps just writing about it.
– –
The list of programs and how God is moving in them could go on for days. I saw the surgery center – the new addition – which is so awesome! It’s so clean and big that you actually feel like you’re in a stateside hospital. The halls that carry the rest of our medical programs were freshly painted and filled with people waiting to be seen. Despite the mission’s lack of funds for our medical programs – hundreds of people are being seen daily – patients who would have no place to go otherwise. The granmoun were happy and singing in their rocking chairs when I came down to their place. The feeling of general contentment was there too. Magdala is our program manager and she pours herself into her work every day. From the moment she accepted the position – the campus began to have a different look to it and the presence of God can be readily felt no matter where you walk.
The cosmetic changes on the campus are most certainly something to brag about….but the real jewel in all of this is the change that has taken place in the hearts of our staff.
My brother (Janeil) dreams of things that many of us would NEVER even think of. There is no doubt that this change in our campus is a direct reflection of his leadership. We tease him and call him Dr. Phil – but the truth is He’s simply a man of God – chosen to help lead in a country that has been dedicated to Satan. We need to remember to constantly lift him up in prayer. The burdens that he carries for the people here – the programs he wants to do so that we can help so many more children – those things don’t happen without much sacrifice and many prayers.
Thanks for coming along on this tour of my home. The saying is so true….. there’s just no place like home!
It’s 5am and Gigi has had about 13 baths today. She is running a high fever and her body is limp. She is 8 years old and learned to walk last fall. Ever since she learned to walk – you can’t hold her down. She goes everywhere. That’s one thing that’s been so different here at my parent’s house. Their house is a tri-level. Gigi was often stuck wherever we put her because she couldn’t go up or down steps.
You should see her now. She opens doors and walks up and down the steps – even to the fridge when she wants something to drink. She often will find one of us – pull us to the fridge – and she’ll actually point to what she wants which it’s normally tampico or milk.
Jose and I spent all day at the hospital while my parents took care of Gigi. We didn’t know she was sick when we left this morning. My mom bathed her several times while my dad held her most of the day. She has always had a close bond with my dad – ever since she was a baby. People never give her enough credit – she’s a very smart little girl and she knows WHAT and WHO she wants.
Today however – she was too weak to even cry and yet her facial expressions would break your heart. I know it’s a bad day when she’s too weak to even look at her hands.
She’s so skinny despite our best efforts (8 years old and about 35lbs). She wouldn’t eat or drink anything today. I’ve never been ashamed of Gigi or her disability. Granted – she can cause quite the commotion – but she’s always been a happy little girl. When I first moved to Haiti I was responsible for our Special Needs Orphanage which is how I found Gigi. As long as their disabilities didn’t stop them from being Happy – I never really struggled. I know God made us each unique.
What I do struggle with is when my little girl is sick and she can’t tell me what’s wrong. Malaya has no problem telling me her nose is running or her belly hurts. I know Gigi has a fever, she’s limp, and she won’t eat – but that’s it. She can’t tell me if her head hurts or her belly hurts. It makes it so hard to know how to treat her.
Dr. Lillpop is a pediatrician that travels to Haiti every year. He is actually responsible for Rosie living. He treated her for tetanus when she was just 8 days old and also got their hospital to waive all their fees when Rosie had cerebral malaria and almost died from seizures and fever. We called him today and he prescribed Gigi an antibiotic to start with. We call him often when one of our kids are sick. God has blessed us with a network of people. But I just wish he could “look” at her just to make sure an antibiotic is all she needed. He lives in Illinois – about 8 hours from us!
There were a few times today when Gigi just had a blank stare in her eye. It was the kind of stare I’ve seen too many times – where the results are always heart-wrenching. Too many times little kids die of something so treatable- diarrhea or a fever. Sometimes it only takes a day for a little sickness like that to claim a little child who is already malnourished.
I found myself in tears remembering so many precious children who used to be in our special needs orphanage but now run and play with Jesus. Life is just so precious.
I know that Gigi will be fine but seeing how quickly she went down – I couldn’t help but think about Haiti. There are so many sick little babies with fevers and no water to cool themselves down. I think about the mothers who have no money to see the doctor or pay for medication. While I’m so very blessed even though I don’t know what’s wrong with Gigi…..my heart can’t help but ache for the mothers who can’t take care of their children and are left praying, guessing, and often in despair.
I got this email from Melissa who is in Haiti right now.
Gigi is sick and she has typhoid. We checked her this morning. She is doing a lot better this afternoon. Magdala put an IV in and she doesn’t seem to be throwing up as much. Last night she had a pretty high fever. There were four of us trying to get her to take some ibuprofen – to get her fever down – and she still got a foot loose and kicked me in the jaw 🙂 I will start her on rocephin shots, which i am sure she will love, but hopefully she will get better quick.
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As I just mentioned earlier – Jose is planning to go get her next week. We hate it that one of us is not with her right now while she’s suffering. Rosie got typhoid last year. So please – those of you traveling to Haiti – get your typhoid shot.
We’re very fortunate to have Melissa in Haiti right now. Please keep our little Gigi in your prayers. It’s hard not to worry about her.
So I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night. My new thing has been to watch HGTV late at night OR CMT (Country Music Television).
So last night I was watching CMT and I heard this song which it’s not a new song but I hadn’t heard it in a while. It’s called God’s Will by Martina McBride.
GOD’S WILL
I met God’s Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves
It hid the braces on his legs at first
His smile was as bright as the August sun
When he looked at me
As he struggled down the driveway, it almost
Made me hurt
Will don’t walk too good
Will don’t talk too good
He won’t do the things that the other kids do,
In our neighborhood
[Chorus:]
I’ve been searchin’, wonderin’, thinkin’
Lost and lookin’ all my life
I’ve been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I’ve wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother’s miracle
I’ve been readin’, writin’, prayin’, fightin’
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was until
I knew God’s Will
Will’s mom had to work two jobs
We’d watch him when she had to work late
And we’d all laugh like I hadn’t laughed
Since I don’t know when
Hey Jude was his favorite song
At dinner he’d ask to pray
And then he’d pray for everybody in the world but him
[Chorus]
Before they moved to California
His mother said, they didn’t think he’d live
And she said each day that I have him, well it’s just
another gift
And I never got to tell her, that the boy
Showed me the truth
In crayon red, on notebook paper, he’d written
Me and God love you
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
MAKES ME REALLY MISS MY LITTLE GIGI! Gigi has taught so many people what true love is. Just two years old and 7lbs – she was our first little baby. I remember the Americans telling us that she wouldn’t make it and we shouldn’t become so invested in her. I remember the Haitians kept asking – – Why we would take a “broken” baby? How could an American who could have anything/everything – want a little child like that?
Gigi has done more for my family than we could ever do for her. I cannot wait until I get to see her again. Jose hopes to go get her in March. There is definitely a hole here – it won’t be filled until we have our little girl walking around – throwing all the toys (and anything else that’s sitting in front of her) to the ground – and giggling at her hand!
